I need to make some enemies.

As I have said before, I honestly believe that I can help make this world a better place. Why don’t I? It’s because society has been conditioned to believe that the world has to work in a certain manner. Anyone who questions how the world works is obviously wrong. Since I refuse to assume that the world has to be this way, I find problems that people don’t want to hear. I am treated as an outcast.

From The Truman Show:
”We accept the reality of the world with which we are presented.”

I like this quote because it reflects some of the problems that I have in life. Everybody else simply accepts this world for what it is. I don’t. I want better, but it’s very difficult to push for a better world when nobody wants to think that the world shouldn’t be the way that it already is.

Hatred is an unavoidable consequence whenever anyone openly acknowledges society’s deepest flaws. I don’t feel confortable when people look down on me. This discomfort has led me to go into hiding for most of my life. I need to change. I need to do what’s right, even if what’s right turns me into an outcast.

In order to be the best person that I can be, I need to make some enemies. Like I said, this is an unavoidable consequence for doing the right thing in modern day society. I don’t want people to hate me, and I’m certainly not going to go out of my way to make people hate me. If I ever manage to open up, people aren’t going to want to hear what I have to say. My views may be unwanted, but they are needed.

I need to make the world a better place.

I have a lot of confidence in myself. I don’t have a lot of confidence in society. In some ways I feel needed. In other ways, I feel unwanted.

I know that this world is screwed up. I see the problems. I even have some answers. Given the right opportunity, I honestly believe that I can have a positive impact on this world.

I have done nothing with my life. This should be viewed as unacceptable. As someone who can help humanity, I really need to find a way to make an impact. Although it might seem like I’m demanding too much, I feel like I have a responsibility to the future. I feel that my entire life will be a failure if the world isn’t a better place for as a result of my existence.

I need to feel as though I am legitimately contributing to society.

There is a difference between contributing to society and filling a role. Whenever it is revealed that I want to contribute, I am told that I’m asking for too much. To me, contributing means that we are actually making a difference. It means that we are legitimately making this world a better place. Simply doing work for a pay check does not accomplish that goal.

In many ways, the need to contribute is the most important goal for me. I am confident in my abilities, and feel that I need to help make the world a better place. If this world isn’t any better off for my having existed, then my entire life could be viewed as a failure.

I need to find a way to sustain myself.

I’m 32 and still living at home. There is no question that I would have a better life if I could live my own life. Unfortunately, I can’t afford my own life. Perhaps I could sacrifice myself to the job market, but that sacrifice would directly impact just about everything else that I want in life. This is really my big problem in life. How can I be the person that I feel that I need to be and still survive in this money-driven world?

I need to find a new way to make a living that does not require sacrifices in terms of personality.

One of the biggest changes that I want to make is to draw out the real me. That’s really hard to do when everyone pushes me to become someone that I hate. The current workforce consists of nothing but mindless drones. Businesses over the years have adjusted their practices to embrace conformity.

While most people seem to insist that we should accept that everybody is different, I have yet to encounter an environment where I can be accepted for who I am. I frequently pretend to be someone that others will tolerate. The problem with this act is that I do not tolerate the personality that I fake. I start hating myself.

When I become upset with the direction that I take, I frequently receive praise. I am complimented for how I have improved. Those who are making these compliments certainly mean well, but they make me feel horrible. If I know that I’m becoming less of a person, I don’t want to be told that it’s a significant improvement.

At some point, something needs to change. I need to find an environment where my desire to be a good person doesn’t have to be hidden at all costs for hours at a time. While I need a job to survive (in our money driven world), I don’t want to have to live a lie. For now, I would settle with the discovery that such an environment exists.

I need to find a new way to make a living that does not impair my thought process.

As I stated in my list of defining beliefs, mindlessness is my biggest fear. When it comes to surviving in this world, this fear can cause significant problems. My desire to remain mentally active has already convinced me to stay as far away from college as possible. Unfortunately, work can be just as bad. Workers aren’t supposed to form thoughts, they’re supposed to mindlessly do whatever they’re told.

Perhaps my issues with mindlessness has contributed to my current status as a part-time worker. Five hours a day of mindlessness is not as bad as the standard eight. Of course, five hours of mindlessness still makes me uncomfortable. On top of that, I really can’t live my life off of part-time wages. At some point, I am going to have to find something that works. I really need to find a job that allows me to remain mentally active. To be perfectly honest, I have yet to see proof that such a job exists.

Goals in Life

I like who I am, but I hate my life. This is because I have focused more on personal development than career development. In order to have a decent life, you need to be able to afford it. In order to afford a decent life, I need a decent job. Pretty much any job requires significant personal sacrifices. Who I am is more important than what I am. I am not willing to sacrifice myself for my career.

The desire to change is not just about simple ways to better myself. It’s also about developing goals that either require valuable change or utilize change. I will share a number of these goals on this blog. I have developed a sense of apathy towards career choices as I have increased my desire to become a decent person. In a world that tries to define people by their careers, who I am trying to become is socially unacceptable. You have been warned.