Something has to give

Periodically, I need to just vent. I have decided to put together several posts for that very reason. I'm not just pushing myself to open up, but I'm actually willing to go beyond what I really think on a number of issues. This is one of these posts. Expect this to turn out as an incomprehensible irrational rant.

I have lived the bulk of my life as someone I hate purely for the sake of survival. This has led me to a deceptively stressful lifestyle, and the stress keeps building. For each day that passes without any meaningful change, things get worse for me.

My lifestyle is unsustainable. It can't go on like this forever. There has to be a braking point. At some point, something has to give.

I don't know when I will hit my breaking point, and I don't know what will actually happen at that point. Will it be lethal? Will I become a threat to others? I don't know, and there are some scary possibilities that I can't rule out at this time.