I hate myself... Sometimes

I'm unique. Do you know what that means? It means that I don't fit our narrow and rigid mold for social acceptability. I can take this further. It's nearly impossible for me to survive in the modern world as myself.

I found a way to compromise. While out in the world, I embrace an inferior persona. When I'm in private, I can draw out some of my personal traits that I like.

What this means is that I have been living two lives. One side, I like but society hates. The other side society likes but I hate. Simply put, I have spent a substantial portion of my life living as someone I hate out of fear for my survival.

I have long insisted that I live a deceptively stressful lifestyle. This is because I strongly dislike and can't respect the person that everyone else knows me as. This has taken a serious toll on my mental health.

I am a good guy who appears to be a bad guy pretending to be a bad guy who appears to be a good guy. I like who I am deep down, but I frequently suppress everything that I like about myself. Who I am on this blog could be viewed as a middle ground. I'm open to writing about things that people don't want to hear, but there are still some things that I'm holding back. If I fully revealed my better side, people would attack who I am to discredit what I have to say.