What Democrats free us from

I agreed to blog for the purpose of countering Jason's flawed educational beliefs. Recently, he dared to claim that Democrats aren't absolutely 100% beneficial to freedom. As a fake teacher, I feel oblagat... I feel like I have to defend the political party that my real-world counterparts own. I will take on each "constraint" of his one by one to explain why our attempts to control everything in your life is actually pro-freedom.

What we are allowed to think

You don't want to have to think for yourself, do you? By telling you what you have to think, we are freeing your mind to... I'm going to have to turn to my union to dictate my thoughts on this. Regardless, freeing you from thought clearly frees up your mind for more important... things.

What we are allowed to believe

This is very similar. Do you want to have to form your own beliefs? No. That's way too much of a burden. Us Democrats want to free you from that burden. We will tell you what you have to believe, so you don't have to worry about such things as believing the wrong things.

What we are allowed to say

What if you say the wrong thing or the right thing in the non-politically-correct manner? We are proud to deprive Americans of the possibility of making such mistakes. We openly tell you what you are allowed to say so that you don't have to worry about whether or not you should say anything.

Who we are allowed to associate with

The people you associate with can be bad influences. By cancelling out anyone who disagrees with us as well as those who are in any way associated with them, we can ensure that you only associate with Democrat-approved people, businesses, and organizations. This frees you from having to decide for yourself who you want to associate with.

What we are allowed to eat and drink

We are all for healthy living. This is why we have tried to restrict what you are allowed to eat and drink. If we have our way, perhaps we can even ensure that you embrace our vegan diet. By telling you what to eat and drink, we hope to free you from having to consider your health when you make mealtime choices for yourself.

What, where, when, and how we are allowed to learn

As a fake teacher, this is obviously the argument that really grabbed my atten... Where was I? I was distracted there for a moment.

Let's try this again. Who wants to have to understand what, where, when, and how an individual learns? Certainly not me. Imagine requiring this of each individual. That's way too much to ask of anyone. We can free you from having to figure this out by shoving everyone through our flawless one-size-fits-none educational model.

What we are allowed to know

If a Democrat says something, you should automatically trust it. That's why we have taken control over the mainstream media. We can share our side of issues while depriving the other guys from confusing you with an alternative perspective. By telling you that you have to trust our "honest" narrative, you can have freedom from conflicting viewpoints.

Who we are allowed to vote for

Yes, we tried to use Trump's refusal to release taxes as a means of removing him from ballots. Unfortunately, we failed. If we would have succeeded, we would have greatly simplified politics. We would have freed you from having to make a decision.

There would have been other benefits, and I certainly hope we keep trying to remove opposition from the ballots. A one-party system could do wonders for politics. Just imagine allowing us to free you from even more of your life.

What we are allowed to watch and read

There are a lot of books and movies that include things that don't fit the message that we are cramming down your throats. By removing these things from society, we can free you from having to figure out what qualifies as offensive.

How we are allowed to live our lives

The bottom line is that nobody wants to have to live their own lives. We interfere and make things all better as long as you cooperate. If you allow us to control absolutely everything, you will have total freedom.