Periodically, I need to just vent. I have decided to put together several posts for that very reason. I'm not just pushing myself to open up, but I'm actually willing to go beyond what I really think on a number of issues. This is one of these posts. Expect this to turn out as an incomprehensible irrational rant.
I have a bizarre relationship with sports. My life is a mess. I frequently turn to watching sports as a distraction from my problems.
Among my biggest problems is that I don't have enough control over my own life. Do you know what else I don't have control over? The sports I watch. I have found myself overinvesting in watching events that I can't control as a distraction from my lack of control in my own life.
Watching sports seems to be impacting my mental health. My desperation for distractions in life keeps me going right back to life as a spectator. At least there have been moments in which I have successfully forced myself not to watch. For example, I never watch games in which a team I support could be eliminated. That said, I don't have a suitable replacement in my life. I always return.
In all honesty, I kind of wish I became more active in playing sports. Losing a game in which I have some control would be a lot easier for me right now than watching a game while feeling completely helpless. Even if I felt at fault for a loss, I'm pretty sure that knowing there are things I can do to improve my odds of winning should be easier for me to handle than complete helplessness.
At the very least, I have video games. I'm admittedly not much of a gamer, but it can at least keep me from only having sports to distract me from my problems. Of course, I prefer easy games. With all of my problems with stress, it's nice to have a distraction that can also be relaxing.
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