I really should be more active in educational pursuits

I have long insisted that we should all strive to evolve as individuals. For various reasons, I have not been following my own advice. This includes problems that I have with the response to change. As one of my many self-evaluations, I have decided to look into what kinds of changes I really should make in my life. Unfortunately, obstacles will likely be too much for me to overcome.

When I was in school, I was the kind of student who would get into trouble for thinking and learning in class. Teachers were consistently intolerant of such behavior because it got in the way of schoolwork.

When I finished school, I still wanted to learn. When I asked someone if I could learn in my free time, I was told not to. The argument was that I could develop bad habits if I didn't have a teacher looking over my shoulder. Since a return to our destructive schooling system was not an option for me, I was effectively being told that it was wrong for someone like me to learn. This was when I abandoned my educational pursuits. I was told my whole life that I had no right to learn, and I just didn't have it in me to keep fighting.

In this case, I wasn't just bullied by my teachers. Society bullied me out of my educational pursuits. I should have stood up to my bullies. I should have stood up for my rights. I never should have abandoned my educational pursuits.

This is a past mistake that I would like to correct. I would love to become more active in educational pursuits. My primary concern, like usual, is that I don't handle the type of attention I would receive very well. We are living in a society that believes that every change needs to be treated like a big deal. I'm not a social creature. If people came after me for living an educationally active lifestyle, I would likely retreat. I need a situation in which this new activity could be sustained.