It is better to be a good person than appear to be a good person.

Deep down, I’m a good guy that people don’t like. On the surface, I’m not nearly as good but I’m more likely to look good in the eyes of the mindless masses. In other words, I’m turning myself into less of a person in order to be more accepted by others. I should know better than that. I would even say that I do know better than that. I just need to find a way to overcome the pressure.

The problem that I am having is that we live in a conformist society, and society aims low. To be accepted, you have to let others tell you how to live your life. You have to abandon personal strengths and sacrifice independent thought. If you want to appear to be a good person, you have to sacrifice everything you like about yourself and abandon your personal beliefs regarding what makes a good person. It is nearly impossible in the modern world to be a decent human being and look like one.

If you truly want to be a good person, you have to search for what’s right. You have to be willing to deviate from the mainstream. You have to develop strong values. You have to be willing to look bad for the good of those around you.

Over the years, I have tried repeatedly to find a way to bring out the better me. When people see any part of who I really am, I become an outcast. I retreat. While I have been told numerous times that I need to come out of my shell, I have discovered that there is far more pressure to remain in that shell.

Particularly troublesome is our insistence that our entire lives should revolve around money. Without money, you can’t survive in this world. Without conforming to the flawed appearance of what makes a good person, it’s difficult to find a potential employer who will like you. I have succumbed to the pressure. Whenever I’m at work, I’m living a lie.

The bottom line here is that I know who I want to be, but I chicken out when I’m in public. I pretend to be a bad person in order to look like a good person. I know that I need to make some changes and draw out the real me. I am fully willing to take the blame for my cowardice. I am not, however, willing to take the blame for a world that threatens the survival of anyone who exhibits a sense of human decency.