Everyone wants to think that they are good people. This includes a large majority of bad people. When dealing with this conundrum, I have examined something that I like to say.
I am a good guy who appears to be a bad guy pretending to be a bad guy who appears to be a good guy. I guess that settles it. I really am a good guy. I only act like a bad guy. Wait a second. There's a problem with that logic.
I sometimes refer to my tendency to suppress my good side in favor of a a more socially acceptable side as a tale of two Jasons. I also have been known to complain about having to live my life as someone I hate out of fear for my survival.
Deep down, I think of myself as a good but socially unacceptable individual. This is who I tend to be at home and who I want to be. How I live my life contradicts this desire.
When it comes to good versus bad, there is an important question that needs to be asked. Which is more important, our desires or our actions? I would say actions. Although I don't want to think of myself as a bad guy, I have to admit that I qualify.
My weak attempt at blogging might throw you off. I have been trying to use this as an outlet for the deeper me. If I could become more comfortable with this outlet, maybe I could spend more time being good (and socially unacceptable). The people who think they know me have never seen this side of me.
If you see me in public, you are likely to see a bad guy. I am just too concerned with being perceived as a bad guy to show the deeper me. Maybe there will be a point in the future when society becomes tolerant of good. Unfortunately, I know that's not likely. Plan B. Maybe there will be a day when I will find the immense courage required to be a good guy in modern-day America. That's also unlikely.
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