Why Summer Should be Outlawed

This post was adapted from something that I had previously written.

If Sequim can pass a law that makes rain illegal, why can’t we pass a law to make summer illegal? Obviously, the law couldn’t be enforced, but neither can Sequim’s. Whether we are talking about the state, county, or city level doesn’t matter to me. I just like the idea that we don’t associate ourselves with the evil season.

I know. There’s no way anything like this would pass thanks to the Calivermin migration. Even if we could get a majority of true Washingtonians, a supermajority would vote against. I’m not writing this because I want to push to make this a reality. Can’t I just dream for a moment?

If you have are a regular visitor to my blog, you might be familiar with the term fallwinterspring. Here in Washington, we have three seasons that are quite nice and we have summer. During fall, winter, and spring (even though late spring tends to develop summer-like characteristics), we see a lot of clouds with frequent showers. The temperatures are comfortably cool. On top of all of this, just stepping outside doesn’t blind you.

Our summers are pretty much the opposite. You can’t see anything because it’s too bright. You can’t do anything because it's too hot. You can’t hear anything because noisy Calivermin head outdoors. While it may be better than summer in most states, we are spoiled the rest of the year. The contrast between summer and fallwinterspring makes you miss fallwinterspring the moment that summer starts.

If any Calivermin are reading this, please disregard anything that you find appealing. If you like sun, I’m just kidding about our summers. We have 365 days of downpours a year. Washington weather is terrible year round. Stay out!

Even if we can’t outlaw summer, can’t we at least make winter our official season. That’s the time of year when we can’t get too hot for comfort. That’s the time of year where lack of drizzle can be considered a disappointment. That’s the time of year where we stay green and other states look brown. If there is any season to celebrate in Washington, it should be the season that earns us our nickname, the Evergreen State.