For years, I have discussed a desire to take time off and pursue much needed change. I have provided multiple reasons for that desire. I haven't been living up to my own belief system, which involves evolving as an individual. I want to correct past mistakes. I want to pursue various goals in life.
Perhaps my biggest argument for change is that I am living a lifestyle that is slowly killing me. Obviously, I need to change lifestyles. This is emerging as a legitimate issue of survival.
As I keep saying, I live a deceptively stressful lifestyle. This lifestyle will catch up to me. Something has to give, and I feel like I'm getting close.
This has led me to a previously overlooked reason to pursue change. I have lived the bulk of my life as someone I hate purely for the sake of survival. I haven't done anything for me. I haven't really lived. I have essentially dedicated my life to waiting to die.
I don't want to sound arrogant, but I believe I deserve better than that for at least part of my life. After years of sacrificing myself to an intolerant society, I should be able to get something back. The pursuit of change is at least something more than what I currently have.
In all honesty, it might be too late. I don't know if I could complete a year of change. If I want to actually live, as opposed to merely having a pulse, I have to take this idea seriously. It might be my only chance to actually live during my life.
This might be darker than what most people want to read. I am increasingly looking at the pursuit of change as something I want to do before I die. I might not be able to accomplish my original goals, but I have to take this idea seriously. My time left is clearly limited, and I'm likely closer to the end than people realize.
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