I really should spend time away from supports

I have long insisted that we should all strive to evolve as individuals. For various reasons, I have not been following my own advice. This includes problems that I have with the response to change. As one of my many self-evaluations, I have decided to look into what kinds of changes I really should make in my life. Unfortunately, obstacles will likely be too much for me to overcome.

I am not in the best financial shape. There are reasons for this. I have yet to find a way to make a living as someone that I actually like. There are limits to how much I can dedicate to that lifestyle. To reduce the amount of time I must betray myself to survive, I have essentially embraced a life of poverty.

To help reduce the time dedicated to earning enough to survive, I have looked for ways to cut the amount of money I need. One option that I have embraced is sharing a home with my family. This has certainly helped me financially, but there are undeniable drawbacks.

An obvious problem is that I have never really had the opportunity to learn how to live by myself. There are certain skills that I lack. If anything happened to my family, I honestly don't know what I would do. I have become far too dependent on their support, and they have become dependent on my contributions. I can't afford to live without them. They can't afford to live without me.

More important than dependence, I am becoming increasingly desperate for change in my life. As I have previously stated, I tend to struggle with how others respond to change. Living with people who have known me my whole life, anything out of the ordinary stands out. To further complicate things, my family tends to be hostile to change. When it comes to making the changes I feel I need in life, my family is likely holding me back.

I don't want to misrepresent things. I am grateful for what my family has done for me. I'm not convinced that I could survive without them. I seriously can't afford to spend time on my own. Similarly, I don't want to deprive them of my help.

My family is my support structure. If I could afford it, there could definitely be benefits to spending some time away from these supports. Unfortunately, I can't come close to affording it. Unless I can somehow turn my life completely around, this is something that I am unlikely to ever experience.